The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
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he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
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I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"