Whod you bang
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me