im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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