I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
