this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
