You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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