I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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