she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
