Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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