At least make sure they are 18
Why
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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