you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
wrigley field is MILF paradise
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
