Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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