i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
