Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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