Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
