UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
