yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
