Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
