Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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