your room smells of hookers.
And success
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
