I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
