I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My hand turned me down
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
