Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
