It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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