Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
