forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
