just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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