Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
