the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
