pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize