i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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