you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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