I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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