i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
