Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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