no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
