im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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