No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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