Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
