ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
