I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
