it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize