first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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