I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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