your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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