Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
