dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
How's work?
Spinning.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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