So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
