As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
