I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think people are normalizing furries
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
