OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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