Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Randomize
