Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
