Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
