he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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