fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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