I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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