Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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