8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
