Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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