I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
