its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
