i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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