yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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