i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
