I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
