so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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