if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
