just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
