can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
