After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
