you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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