Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
