Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
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I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
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I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize